ENOUGH With the Cauliflower Already!

NEWSFLASH!!!

  • There is no such thing as "Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes". If there were, it would have POTATOES in it... and then nobody would eat it, because it had CAULIFLOWER in it!
  • "Cauliflower Rice" is NOT rice! It is chopped cauliflower.
  • Cauliflower is NOT "Bread", nor "Pizza Crust", nor anything else bread-like. It's a VERY hard sell!

Honestly folks, this isn't the kind of thing you can slip past your kids without them KNOWING something is up!

It seems that the "rule" lately is that anything white that is out of favor with trendy foodies and food-paranoid types, may be replaced with cauliflower.

One problem. Cauliflower has a DISTINCTIVE flavor! It fairly SCREAMS "I AM CAULIFLOWER!!!".

It does NOT taste IN THE LEAST like Bread, Potatoes, or Rice.

It is my opinion that all the recipes shared on social media for replacing various foods with cauliflower spring from three conditions:

1. Caulifllower is just unpopular enough that not enough people KNOW it tastes like it does, and the Cauliflower Promotion Association figured they could put one over on the entire world simply because people DON'T eat it a lot. It's white! What's to know?

2. We have ample evidence that social media users SHARE but rarely TRY the things they share. This is why people believe that you can grow a plant in an icecream cone. And the same phenomenon explains why people think they can substitute cauliflower for pizza crust and still enjoy the pizza as though it had bread under it!

3. If you say it often enough, people will believe it, even if they know it is untrue. Social media, again, proves this point undeniably.

But let's say, just for the sake of variety, that it does make sense in some weird world, to substitute cauliflower for other foods, just because they happen to be the same color. We have a whole new realm of food possibilities, and the variants are endless.

Try some of these delicacies - we PROMISE you will NEVER KNOW that cauliflower was inserted in place of the original.

  • Cauliflower Tortillas - Just cook it, mash it, roll it out and pretend you have tortillas.
  • Cauliflower Oatmeal - Chop fine, cook, and serve with your usual additions.
  • Cauliflower Pasta - Puree with egg, shape, and boil until firm. Hey! It could work!
  • Cauliflower Ice Cream - If you add enough sugar and vanilla, it will be so overpowering that you'll forget it is the cauliflower making it taste bad!
  • Cauliflower Oreo Filling - Trust me, they won't EVER GUESS!!
  • Cauliflower Cake Frosting - Just do that mashie whip thing, and spread it on. Add a few sprinkles if you don't think they'll buy it!
  • Cauliflower Cookies - Substitute cauliflower for wheat flower, and go to town on it. All sorts of possibilities! Mama's Chocolate Chip Cookies will never be the same!
  • Cauliflower Tofu - Is ANYBODY going to care? Really?
  • Cauliflower Milk - If you can milk almonds, surely you can milk cauliflower!
  • Cauliflower Popcorn - You don't even have to cook it!
  • Cauliflower Cereal - Chop fine, soak in milk. Sugar is not needed. Really!
  • Cauliflower Crackers - Surely Oprah has a recipe for this somewhere!
  • Cauliflower French Fries - Ok, so it is a little difficult to cut fries from cauliflower... But WORK with me here!
  • Cauliflower Chicken Nuggets - They can form them from minced chicken, SOOOO... Whose to know?
  • Cauliflower Fishsticks - White mushy stuff, formed and breaded. Clearly the same!
  • Cauliflower Cheese - Shred and substitute for shredded cheese. Raw cauliflower substitutes for hard cheeses. Cooked for soft. What could be easier?
  • Cauliflower Filled Donuts - You can even dye it for fruit fillings.
  • Cauliflower Cream Chocolates - Cook, mash, roll into balls. Dip in chocolate. More in keeping with Halloween than Christmas.
  • Cauliflower Banana Pudding - Slice, cook, and use in place of bananas. Unforgettable!
  • Cauliflower Salad Sandwiches - Use raw or cooked, cut up, and use to replace chicken, tuna, turkey, or ham. Very versatile.
  • Lemon Pie with Cauliflower Meringue - That whip thing again... Browns beautifully.
  • Cauliflower Macaroons - You can actually make these LOOK like real macaroons!
  • Wedding Mints - Cook, form into balls, and dry just enough so they don't stick together. No need to add mint extract, they look convincing enough without it!

 

So try your hand at some new delicacies! No one will EVER notice you used Cauliflower!

 

DISCLAIMER: Don't misunderstand me. I LOVE Cauliflower. Cooked. Never raw. Smothered in cheese sauce. Or seasoned and roasted - tender, not hard. THAT is Cauliflower.

I NEVER try to pretend that Cauliflower is something that tastes nothing like Cauliflower!

Notice

The information on this site is presented for informational purposes only, and consists of the opinions and experiences of the site authors. It is not to be construed as medical advice or to be used to diagnose or treat any illness. Seek the assistance of a medical professional in implementing any nutritional changes with the goal of treating any medical condition. The historical and nutritional information presented here can be verified by a simple web search.

 

 

 


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